The pattern of her breathing is interrupted on occasion by a little sigh or two. Her eyelashes quiver, and I wonder what she's dreaming. Though I know she's too young to truly smile, I see a glimmer of a grin dancing across her face. Her fingers seem impossibly tiny as they instinctively grasp my husband's mammoth hand.
We are in love. We are in awe. We are blessed beyond belief with this tiny miracle.
This is certainly not the first time I've held a baby. But my heart feels full to overflowing.
Everyone told me that being a grandparent was like no other experience. They were right. I contemplate why that is. As a young mom, was I just too tired to be so wrapped up in the moment? Did the hormones raging through my post-pregnancy body keep me from truly seeing the miracle?
I don't have the answer.
But the birth of our first grandchild, Kinley Marie, on December 30 has me thinking about unconditional love.
Is this how my Heavenly Father looks at me? The Bible says it is. But it's so hard to truly believe that in my heart. Shouldn't I have to earn that kind of love?
And I have so many flaws, Lord. I fail, day in and day out.
I didn't do this thing that I should have.
I did do that thing that I shouldn't have.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not thin enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not kind enough.
I'm not thankful enough.
I don't forgive quickly enough.
I'm not ... I'm not ... I'm not.
But you know what? God loves me anyway. And I'm probably offending Him mightily when I bring up all the flaws instead of celebrating the magnitude of His gifts in my life.
You have begun to live the new life, in which you are being made new and are becoming like the One who made you. This new life brings you the true knowledge of God.
I'm a work in progress. Yes, God expects me to keep studying, keep praying, keep serving, keep being the hands and the feet.Colossians 3:10
But when I fail, He still sees me with eyes that are as loving as Abba/Father.
Or a Grandma.
I heard a song with new ears this week. It's Anthem Lights' Can't Get Over You.
It says, in part:
I love the way You love like no other
It's got nothing to do
With anything that I do.
Time and time again
You forgive me
So this time I choose
To stay here with You
Hold me, pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me. ...
It's a good song to have stuck in my head this month. Love is much more than heart-shaped candies and chocolates. Like the song says, it's about love like this:
Here in the arms of my Father
Only grace can be found ...
And when in my humanness, I forget it, I'll think of that feeling of cradling a newborn baby.
Just in case you want it stuck in your head, too, here's the acoustic version of the song from Anthem Lights. The harmonies are delicious.
And, speaking of delicious, if you're looking to treat your family, a neighbor or a special friend during this Valentine's month, try this recipe for Red Velvet Cupcakes.
Or if chocolate is the key to your loved ones' hearts, try this Chockful of Chocolate cupcake.